I’m Doing Fine, Really, But…

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In 10 days, I go to the endocrinologist for my quarterly checkup. I’m sure that all systems (my endocrine system, of course) will, relatively speaking, be fine. And here, today, you’re reading my pronouncement: I’m predicting that my HbA1c will be 6.4%.

Now, that’s a little higher than it’s been for the past two or three visits, but I doubt it will have risen much over the three months between my last doctor’s visit and the one coming up. I’m adding a few tenths of a percent to compensate for the holidays.

No, wait. OK, that’s a lie. I do doubt that my HbA1c will not have gone up even more over the past three months. I know that it probably will not have, but I feel that it should have, and I can’t really trust that it hasn’t.

Confused? Right. So am I. But I’m confused most of the time. Crap, now I’m rethinking my decision to write this week’s blog post about my HbA1c.

Me: Don’t even blog about this. You’re going to jinx your HbA1c by predicting a good number.

Me: But you’re predicting a good HbA1c because it’s been in the low 6% range every time you’ve had it tested over the past year and a half. Things haven’t changed that drastically.

Me: But you’ve had troubles with your insulin pump lately, your infusion sets. You bolused for several meals when the canula wasn’t subcutaneous. Do you remember those days? Your blood glucose got stuck in the 200’s? You tried and tried, but for some reason there was nothing you could do.

Me: You were afraid of overbolusing, because you’re never sure that some of the insulin didn’t get into your system. That’s a tough call.

Me: Yes. Remember, though…because now you’re veering off into talking about insulin pump problems…remember that you said in an e-mail three days ago that you didn’t want to blog about this topic? No “insulin site problem” blogs this time around? Now you’ve gone and started the ball rolling. Nice. And with deadline? Too late to turn back.

Me: Right, you didn’t want to blog about this because you’ve blogged about it before. Your readers are probably sighing. “Bor-ing.”

Me: Right, but remember, also…

Me: Yeah, remember also that those pump site problems, infrequent as they are, that when they cause a few days — even more than a few — of higher blood glucose, that it is not going to undo months and months of good self-management. You’ve banked quite a lot of really good days. And when…

Me: They’ll tell you at the endocrinologist’s that you have no ketones in your urine. Your blood pressure is OK…

Me: But what about your lack of going to the gym?

Me: You still walk the dog, walk without the dog, and so on.

Me: Yes, but you’ve also become a homebody. Lots of car time over Christmas and New Year’s.

Me: But you’ve been eating healthier meals, thanks to your wife.

Me: Look. You’re just not wanting people to call you out on your bad habits, nor do you want them to think you’re trying to write somewhat clandestinely about all of your good habits. You’re confused.

Me: But you know that. Life’s confusing, diabetes is confusing, and you’re probably fixating on your HbA1c to avoid some other problem you don’t really want to face.

Me: Well, are you?

Me: Are you?

Me: Are you?

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